Because of a very very bad company called General Motors (GM), my favorite car company (Saab) is almost gone.  So all I want for Christmas is this:

Thank you!

Joe

My Friend and Ukrainian Tour Guide

While we didn’t get to fly together in the Chicago-New York leg, we met up again at JFK–Which, by the way, was the first time in a LONG time that I deboarded a plane right on the tarmac.  Anyway, we found our gate, which was filled with Ukrainians.  Fortunately we met a girl who spoke English and Ukrainian.  Through her, I was able to accomplish several things:

1. Text my friend (already in the Ukraine) that I had made the flight
2. Sort out ground transport in Kiev
3. Explain to Svetlana that I had scored us both exit row seats together

The flight was fantastic.  Svetlana helped to teach me the Cyrillic alphabet and letter pronunciations, which made it loads easier to communicate once I got to the Ukraine.  We made flashcards together, worked the flight attendants for more food and stuttered our way in broken language through a nine-hour flight.  We got along so well that I had to know what sign she was.  It turned out her birthday was two days after mine–Sagittarians.  Two Sagittarians, together, doing what we loved to do best–talk and travel.

It was most fortunate that I met her, because once we were in Kiev, I was clueless how to get to Chernivtsi–a city in the southwestern region of Ukraine.  Not only did Svetlana buy me a SIM card for my phone (which was originally an Irish phone from my friend Kieran), but she bought me a train ticket.  Later, we realized the train wouldn’t arrive in Chernivtsi until 6:00am the next morning, so she offered to drive me to a bus station in Kiev.  As I waited for her to come back with her car, I wondered about travel and how it leads you to put full faith and trust in people you don’t even know.  About ten minutes later, she came zooming up in a new Mercedes, with windows down and Europop blasting.  I was about to get the ride of my life–racing at 100 mph through the streets of Kiev.  At that point you realize that you just have to put aside your fears and trust that you won’t become another statistic.

In Kiev, we were both VERY fatigued.  She still had a five-hour drive, south to Odessa.  We found the bus station and she came back with a ticket for me.  All the while, she refused to take any money for anything.  Svetlana really is an extraordinary person.  We drove a bit through Kiev and I finally convinced her that she had to start heading to Odessa and that I would be fine for three hours.

She dropped me off and I ordered my first meal in Russian–at McDonald’s.  With the cool sophistication of James Bond, I smoothly uttered,  in a perfect Russian accent, “Big and Tasty puzshalista and voda [water].”

It was a bit difficult killing three hours just sitting at a bus station, but finally the bus pulled up and I boarded.  I had hoped this would be a great opportunity to see the Ukrainian countryside, but I was exhausted and kept nodding off.  Each time I woke up, I would catch a scene from the movie “Point Break,” which was a step up from watching paint dry.

Nine hours across the bumpy, pot-holed streets and highways of Ukraine, I FINALLY reached Chernivtsy, where my friend’s sister and her friend picked me up and took me home.  Even though it was midnight, everyone was up and Mariia, their mother, had dinner waiting for me.

Every day, for the last two weeks, someone here has asked me if I plan to marry Svetlana or if I’ve called Svetlana, or if I’ll move to Ukraine for Svetlana.  I certainly plan to keep in touch and hope that one day I can repay the courtesy she showed me in Kiev.  By the way, when I got to Chernivtsi, my friend discovered that she had also bought train tickets back to Kiev for BOTH him and myself.  Thank you for everything Svetlana!

2010 Porsche Panamera

Now that I’m 39 and quite adult, it makes sense to have a four-door vehicle…

Please, only purchase in Silver

Please note that the Porsche is merely a get-around-town car, so for practical purposes, I will also need one of these in my garage:

2010 Mercedes-Benz GL550

A Garage

Did I mention I need a garage?  Anything in a traditional, Romanesque or Victorian style will do.

Clothing Sizes

• Pant = 33-34 waist and 34 length
• Shirt = Medium T or 16 X 34 Dress
• Shoe = 10.5
• Underwear (please only boxer briefs) Medium

Formal Wear:  Armani Collezioni, Hugo Boss, Dior Homme or Versace

Casual Pants:  Issey Miyake, Dolce & Gabbana Glen Plaid, Michael Kors Utility, Ralph Lauren Black Label and Theory

Shirts:  John Varvatos, Royal Underground, DSquared, Burberry Check Jersey T, Any Diesel Male Model and their shirt

**Please enclose all receipts as styles can be utterly wrong within labels.

Black & Decker SDC750 Coffee Maker

I’m sick of crap cluttering up my counter tops, so this should fit the bill nicely!

The Complete Desperate Housewives DVD Set (Seasons 1-4)

Please do not buy me anything that says “As Seen on TV” on the box.

European Cruise on the Regent Seven Seas ($65,000)

Cartier Sunglasses

Gulfstream G650: New York to Dubai, London to Buenos Aires, 7,000 nautical miles in one fill-up!  If the airlines can’t get it together, I’ll get my OWN plane!

Please check back as this is just a start.

The list will grow.

Nature generates some of the oddest adaptations–like this sea horse below, that has been modified through time to blend in with the underwater plants in its habitat.

When you see these creatures–so delicate and so intricate, you wonder how they survive and flourish in the rough oceans.

I am captivated by jellyfish. They’re so alien and so serene. By the time I had photographed them once, they had already changed their colors (see below).

Jellyfish at the Shedd Aquarium

Jellyfish at the Shedd Aquarium

They truly are amazing organisms.

This little guy, below, was such a poser that I felt like I had to photograph him, lest I make him “crabby.”

Crab at the Shedd Aquarium

The underwater colors and landscapes rival anything on land.  This mysterious world seems to challenge everything we thought we knew about Earth.  Take this sea anemone below–is it a plant?  Is it an animal?  Is it both?  Is it neither?  Such is the allure of places like the Shedd Aquarium–a fantastic attraction that gives us land-dwelling hominids a rare glimpse into the hidden corners of the world.

Anemone at the Shedd Aquarium